"The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year --- everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth."

"When I was a child, my mom told me: 'If you want to be a soldier, you'll become a general. If you want to be a monk, you'll become pope' I wanted to be a painter, and I became Picasso."

"Only the winners decide what were war crimes."

"You know how you hate to be interrupted, so why are you always doing it to me."

"'Oh,' replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, 'he told me to come and see you.'"

"The Berlin Wall is the defining achievement of socialism."

"Creation is a better means of self-expression than possession; it is through creating, not possessing, that life is revealed."

"LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage."

"The only comfort comes in thinking about how nice it was to know them, and how nice it was to brush against goodness for a season."

"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly."

"Luck, bad if not good, will always be with us. But it has a way of favoring the intelligent and showing its back to the stupid."

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know."